Grandma's funeral

100 岁的阿嫲过了身，几天前出殡。

因吵架而不睬我 3 年的弟弟终於出现，好像原谅了我。  我们谈了些閒话，3 年好像没有什麽大改变。

阿嫲临死前，因为中风而思维不太清晰，认人也好像认不到。  我只探了她一次。  她不停地呻吟叫苦，但我觉得她的意识仍然是清醒的，可能是她一贯的性格就是喜欢抱怨。

她说了一句奇怪的话：「几时才食糊呀？」  我以为她是想吃流质食物，但女傭说她是讲打麻雀。  我当时想：应该不会吧？   她看来不像是神智不清。

她还说了一句：「死了算了！」

嫲嫲虽然是文盲，但并不蠢。  但她很麻烦，常常抱怨。  可能她文盲不能自己吸取知识，别人讲的新事物她都一知半解，所以为人特别囉嗦。  她又常常和我妈那边的亲家比较，因我外公外婆以前是颇富有的家庭。  我外婆现在也 ~99 岁，而且还更健康。

嫲嫲有 3 个儿子，老大去了 New York (之後早逝)，老二去了 New Zealand，我爸留在香港。  所以我有些堂兄弟姊妹在 NY 和 NZ。  NY 那边颇穷，又是单亲家庭。 NZ 那边开餐馆 赚了和储了不少钱，算中上吧。  但 NZ 那家人以前从来不寄钱给嫲嫲，以致我爸独力养她 (说什麽我爸最有钱)。  中学时，我妈曾为此事去信 NZ，说春秋大义，为什麽不寄钱。  因此我家和他们家不睬了很多年。  注意：我不是想责备他们。

我堂妹来港旅行，临走叮嘱我要常常找阿嫲「饮茶」。 我初时有，但愈来愈觉得不公平 -- 为什麽是我？  後来我从美国留学回来，整个人变了，变得很工作狂、很有侵略性。  为了事业，我不再和阿嫲「浪费时间」，连她打电话哀求我也不见她，电话也切断了不想多谈。

她虽然囉嗦，但足够聪明明白到发生了什麽事。

当东方人去到西方後，会变得很不开心，因为我们落後被人歧视。  我们都在挣扎，但又突破不了。  於是变成了冷漠的工作狂。  我想，如果我这天飞黄腾达了，必定会带女友给嫲嫲看，顺便在亲戚前炫耀一番，但我总是「吃不到糊」。  （我说的成功是相对西方标準而言；在香港我其实算很不错了。）

而，阿嫲其实到临死时都很清醒地了解这一点。

Racism, lookism, and the problem of bad looks

This is for a talk I will give in BarCamp 2013, on Feb 23th, in Hong Kong.

My thesis

My thesis is that physical attractiveness (外表吸引力) is correlated with race (种族), and "bad looks" (样衰) is a serious psychological problem affecting many non-white people.  I think lookism (外表偏见) is the major reason why racism (种族主義) persists in the world globally.

In the past there is no easy way to change one's genetically inherited appearance, except by inter-racial marriage.  That of course creates a lot of conflicts as different races were often at war with each other.  So the lack of options caused many people to betray (出卖) one's own race and defect (变节) to another race.
The good news is that technologies (such as bio tech and  life extension) are bringing us to the point where we are no longer dictated by biological reproduction.

Physical looks (especially bad looks) is a taboo (禁忌) subject in probably all human societies.  I'm trying not to offend anyone during this talk, but sometimes I may carelessly use some discriminatory language, and I hope you will get my message and forgive the mistakes.

* * *

Online dating

This is a statistical study done in OKCupid, an online dating web site:

While this does not prove anything conclusively, the data seem to suggest that whiter skin color is correlated with popularity in dating.

Insanity in Asia

Admitting that one's genetic makeup is unattractive must be extremely painful and the pain is perhaps comparable to castration (阉割).  And the lack of solutions may result in people acting irrationally or going insane.

Global distribution of Schizophrenia:

The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison:

Dog-faced man (狗面人)

A work of manga drawn by Osamu Tezuka (手塚治虫).

Kazuo Umezu (楳図一雄) 

Jews and Jesus

Palestine by Joe Sacco

Betraying one's own race

[My daddy...]

Honor killing

Hitler

Halloween and Jake Evans

This is his confession:

"I had just got home from the alergist and having lunch when I started watching Rob Zombie's Halloween.  In the movie a 12 year old boy murders his step father, sister, and his sister's boyfriend.  It was the third time this week that I watched it.  While watching it I was amazed at how at ease the boy was during the murder and how little remorse he had afterward.  I was thinking to myself it would be the same for me when I kill someone.  After I watched the movie I put it back in the case and threw it in the trashcan so that people wouldn't think that it influenced me in any way.  After that I went outside to hit golf balls in the yard for about an hour.  I went inside around 5:30 PM and just sat in the living room thinking about how I was going to kill my family.  My plan was to kill my sister and my mom at my house and then go over to my grandparents and kill my oldest sister Emily and my two grand parents.  Then I was going to wait till morning and kill my other sister Audrey because she was visiting from college.  After I got up form the couch it was between 6 and 6:30.  My grandma had called my mom to ask if I wanted to go to the cleaners with her.  I went and while we were in town we got dinner.  We made a quick stop at the post office and then she dropped me off at my house.  I took my dinner to the pool house and watched Family Guy for a little bit.  I went back into the house and saw that my mom and sister were watching the debate.  I went outside again to swing freely with my golf club.  Around 9:00 pm I went upstairs in my house to watch Family Guy.  About 10 minutes later my sister came upstairs and asked if I wanted to watch a movie.  I said no because earlier that day at the alergist appointment she made racist comments about a black worker that was mowing the grass.  She said, "Ha, that black guy looks like a monkey."  In the past Mallory had always said racist comments like that and would also make fun of homeless people.  I scolded her for what she said and told her that she was becoming white trash.  We continued arguing in the doctor's office and when we got back into the car I told her to look up the word lynching and to see if she had the same opinion about black people.  She then said that she would never be a part of a lynching but is still a racist.  I then said that she makes me sick and called her a racist bitch.  So that evening after I told her that I didn't want to watch a movie she went to her room and I went downstairs to my parent's closit and I got my dad's blue foldable knife.  I went back upstairs and kept pacing back and forth imagining killing Mallory.  Thoughts of causing her pain kept entering my mind and were really bothering me.  But then I'd think about the times she hurt my feelings or really pissed me off.  So finally around 9:30 I knocked on her door and asked her if she wanted to watch Waterboy.  She said yes and sat on the couch beside the sofa I was on.  I told her that I was going to the art room to get a pin.  When I was in the art room I stood there again imagining kill Mallory.  After 30 minutes I finally went in the room and sat on the sofa with the knife in my pocket.  I sat for about 5 minutes and then playfully threw a pillow at Mallory.  We started having a pillow fight in the room.  After a while I thought to myself that if I were to kill my mom and Mallory, I wouldn't want them to feel anything.  So I decided to kill them both with the .22 revolver I stole from my grandpa.  I told Mallory that I needed to go downstairs for a little bit.  After I saw that my mom was in the study I went to my closit and picked up the pistol.  I set it on the bed and was nervously opening the cylinder over and over again.  I then spent probably over an hour walking nervously around the house thinking how life will never be the same and how I would never see them again.  Around 11:15 I went upstairs with the pistol and stood there for about 5 minutes.  I knocked on the door and told Mallory that mom needed her.  She came out and out of the corner of her eye saw me pointing the gun at her.  She thought I was joking and told me that I was freaking her out.  I shot her in the back and then the head.  I ran down to the study and shot my mom 3 times.  In shock I ran to my room and was screaming at the top of my lungs that I am really messed up and that I killed my mom and sister.  As I emptied the shells on my bed I heard noizes and realized that Mallory was still alive.  While I loaded the gun back up I was shouting that I was sorry and then ran as fast as I could to kill her.  I then made sure my mom was dead and shot her again in the head.  After the shooting I walked outside for a few minutes and then came back inside.  Very shocked and scared I placed the gun on the kitchen counter and walked into the living room to dial 911.  When I look at people especially teenagers, I see them as being very cruel to each other emotionally.  It seems that their favorite hobby is picking on someone else.  The people who are racists, bullies, and who are full of themselves are the really evil ones.  And it amazes me because those three qualities are extremely common today.  I was very sad because I felt like my own family were becoming the people I hate.  I know now though that I'm done with killing.  It's the most dreadful and terrifying thing I will ever experience.  And what happened last night will haunt me forever."

Batman and James Holmes

Talia al Ghul, one of the villians:

Jared Lee Loughner

Gabrielle Giffords:

The youngest victim:

"If he could have received some treatment, this probably would not have happened." -- Gifford's husband

"Conscience dreaming" -- Jared Lee Loughner

Dark Matter and Gang Lu ( 卢刚)

He sent five letters, one to his family and 4 to news organizations.  All letters were intercepted by the CIA, and subsequently never released to the public.

His story is made into this movie:

Cho Seung Hui (趙承熙) 's manifesto

His "manifesto" is also never released to the public:

Is attractiveness hereditary?

I offer some hypotheses.

What is morality?

Morality can only be based on uncertain heuristics.

What is lookism?

Do bad-looking people deserve compensation?

What is racism?